I wish I could sit here and share with you all how great my MCAT studies have been going or how motivated I have felt, but sadly that is not the case. Not sure if you noticed that my “Journey to M.D.” category has not had any content posted to it at all. It has been extremely difficult for me to write about my current situation, so I decided to push it off instead. I mean how could I start off the first post on this section on such a sour foot right?
I promised to be completely myself on this blog. The good times, and well the not so good ones. It can be easier to talk about a hardship after you went through it because you are no longer experiencing it but talking about it while in the midst of the storm can certainly be a challenge. After much reflection, I have allowed myself to come face to face with how I have been feeling. So here I am, humbly presenting my lows to you all.
I like to think of myself as very a structured and organized individual. I began to mentally prep myself for the load of MCAT about a year before I even began studying. The mental preparations helped like 5%. I started off the semester doing really well. I made my schedule, stuck to it, and remained focused. Everything was going okay up until I took my first full-length exam. I did not do too well, which of course should be expected. They were not lying when they said the MCAT is a draining exam. Around my last section, I was so tired I gave little to no effort at all. I ended up scoring the same exact score as my diagnostic exam. I felt defeated, a month of studying and even though I made significant progress in one section I scored so poorly in the last section which lowered my overall score. It crippled me more than I thought. Afterward, I saw myself studying less. The drive and motivation I had in the beginning were fading away. My classes became more rigorous and I began to have less time and less time to focus on MCAT.
Okay I know it sounds like I’m overreacting, but as I previously stated I am a structured individual. So when I saw myself not following the schedule I made and how behind I was, I only got more unmotivated. I could have turned to God but I honestly I didn’t, I didn’t talk about it too much with people either. I was running away from how I felt.
One day I randomly had a talk with a friend, and I allowed myself to be vulnerable in the conversation and expressed how I felt. It helped a lot and definitely was a wake-up call. I turned to the Lord for his guidance. I also reminded myself why I want to be a doctor. Its bigger than myself, and I could not let one “L” completely deter me from my goal. I became more realistic with myself and decided that I just need to keep moving forward instead of remaining stagnant.
If there is one piece of advice I can give to anyone out there currently trying to pursue medicine or whatever it may be, follow your own path. It can be so easy to see someone else achieve greatness and wanting to do exactly what they did to get there, but honestly, it may not work out for you. It did not work for me. With all the research and mental preparations I did, I was still not ready to tackle MCAT studying. I spent a good amount of time trying to figure out what works best for me. It can be frustrating trying different methods and seeing it fail before your eyes, but you have to keep going. You are allowed to scream, you are allowed to cry, but do not give up.
Just know I will not stop until I have M.D. after my name.
As Always, Stay Fabulous.