For about a few months this year, I felt myself losing connection with God. I did not “feel” like doing devotion, and wouldn’t make the effort to go to church. I felt guilty. “God, you have done so much for me, and here I am reaping all the benefits of your glory but not praising your name.” I would do a devotion here and there but I just could not remain consistent. I realized I was allowing my guilt to make me overcompensate. So because I felt disconnected, I felt like I HAD to be extra during praise and worship at church, or HAD to volunteer at church. My motives were wrong.
I felt embarrassed to share this with anyone. Growing up in a Christian household, I felt like I always saw my parents being so connected with God: devotion every day, church every weekend, etc. It was not like I was new to this following God thing, I had been doing it my entire life. I felt like I would be looked down upon. How do you go about telling someone that you just don’t feel spiritually connected? I did not know how to navigate myself back on track.
During this time, I went through a lot of self-reflection. I prayed and asked God to rekindle the fire I once had burning in my heart for him. The journey with God is just what it is, a journey. I literally named
I had to be honest with myself with what I was feeling and then I had to speak my honesty to him. I began simply trying to just read 1 verse a day to remind me of his holiness and grace. I listened to songs that reminded me of his faithfulness. I was devoted to restoring my relationship with God.
Over the last few months, I have been able to become spiritually reconnected with him. Now I am finding new ways to engage myself in the word. Instead of just reading the verse of the day, I will read the whole chapter. I have also devoted time to choosing a book of the bible to study for the month. I’m not perfect, but I am trying and sometimes just trying is enough for the moment.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading.
As always, stay fabulous!